Wounded healer
The words of the teacher
When she talks about her work, she uses words of strong symbolic value, therefore they may seem profane to many of us. But she trusts in what she says, almost with the devotion and seriousness of a child.
To give an example: when I was (at the age of 18) as a participant at her workshop, I had to sing the song “Loli ruža”. The tones of the chorus seemed so high for my bass baritone that I protested and said I had no chance to sing that. To my objection Ida replied: “Open yourself upwards”. A mysterious and a too general instruction? To the contrary. That “upwards” meant at that time my larynx as well as the required tone. I felt a great flow of a river of sadness, which wanted to free itself through singing out of my body. What was preventing it from flowing was my brain – today I’d say a bad psychological habit – an unconscious conviction of probably every person that if he does not get the right tone, he will make fool out of himself. It was necessary to take a risk, not to think, to surrender. The intensity and penetration with which the “soooskeeee” came out of me surprised me and everybody else as well. I sang the high tone directly, without preparation, without any technique. In fact, it was vice versa. The tone sang me.
I am sure there exists a natural and inborn talent to teach – to pass on experience, to challenge others to grow. It’s certainly not enough to be well-read and to outwit others. I personally think that even strong personal charisma is not enough, where sincere ability to give would be missing.
In the presence of Ida Kelarová, the way I remember her (sitting behind the piano), silent concentration and trust are present. I am convinced that her mere presence opens up the voice and moves other people forward. There is no need to explain anything.
Searching – a true story
All extatic experience, decisive for the mission of a to-be shaman, involve traditional schemes of an initiation ritual: suffering, death and resurrection. From this point of view every illness, as the expression of a calling, fulfills the task of initiation. Therefore the suffering it causes is similar to initiation torture, to mental isolation of “the chosen ill person” and represents a counterpart of the ritual isolation of initiation rituals; the immediate proximity of death, which the ill person gets to know (agony, unconsciousness, etc.) resembles symbolic death undergone in the course of most initiation rituals.
In order for a person to find himself, he has to be lost first. In order for him seek his home, he has to lose it first.
Ida, in her life search, according to her own description, has always felt that something is missing. She searched for it. One way of searching was to try and find the gypsy roots of her father. One can ask why is it so important for her? This searching had almost looked as a detective story series, as well as the reactions of her mother to all this. Before the concert in Akropolis concert hall, where Ida “baptised” her new CD with her band “Romano Rat”, somebody from the television gave her a letter, which her mother had sent to the director of the Czech Television. In this letter her mother writes that “the alleged gypsy origin of her husband, Koloman Bitto, represents only part of artistic image of her daughter as a singer and is not based in truth (I observed Ida’s reaction then – she breathed in deeply and went on stage to sing – Joj, mamo).
The steadfastness in searching for her roots and her own way made her a warrior, who can always stand up for her convictions. However, it is a warrior which is being wounded at the most sensitive spots, when her own mother opposes the search for identity.
The effort to escape from deep sadness of the relationship with her mother could be one of the reasons why Ida had emigrated to Wales in 1982. There, at the seashore, she realized, that she lost all she had loved and what she was used to back home in Czechoslovakia, that she does not love her husband, that she does not want to live at this place, but the way back is impossible. Sort of a small and symbolic death, after which years of sadness, crying and suffering followed, before she became a teacher of great heart and influence, with which she has touched thousands of people of different nationalities. The shamans would consider this part of initiation, when it is necessary to go through death, so that a person overcomes everything profane inside himself.
To go through death, through suffering and not to become hardened, probably requires great art of living. The art to learn from one’s own life, to remain a child still willing to learn..
If we go back in time to the wounded girl – Ida, we can see, how the emotional thrashing from her mother and the unexpressed pain later in life pointed Ida at the attempt to create her own, better world, for herself and the others.
Her unique workshops are a practical result of her naive effort to change the world we live in. An attempt to realize her own utopia, to follow the child within, not to give up her childhood dream. It would be great if more people had such naivity and steadfastness.
Maybe the world of naive people would be much more inspiring than the world of people who become cynical or have given up their faith.
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