My Life

I started to sing again.

I remembered the songs of my father, some melodies from Saliby came back to me and I started to sing. The first opportunity to sing for me was when someone remembered me, gave me a call and invited me for a concert. It was a great success. I do not even know what I was singing or playing. All I know is that I did not stop for an hour and a half. I came home and I had to search again. We moved to Denmark. In Denmark I started to teach singing. I taught gypsy songs and the students used to cry or rejoice and feel every note in-depth. Did I find my home then, or just an escape?

I felt more warm and more close, yet I felt a terrible loneliness, because I took up work so intimately connected to myself and to my heart, which I still had not understood, let alone someone else understanding me… Every day I used to sing till my voice got hoarse. The work I did was very demanding. All kinds of people used to come to my workshops, giving me a lot of their shit I did not really know how to deal with. I did not understand what I was doing, but the curiosity to know what lies beneath a human voice was stronger. I wanted to go deeper, I had to go on and search and the number of my questions was increasing, just like the number of my students did, till exhaustion.

It seems to me that the entire Denmark went through my workshops. I got an offer to do a one year tour around the entire northern Norway. We packed overnight and moved to Norway. I was teaching and giving concerts in every little village. It was magnificent. The nature was so strong, that I finally got close to death, something I feared so much before. It was a strong inspiration. Never again was I able to get so close to nature, as I was there, in the north.

Back to Wales

Two years later we found ourselves back to Wales again. My work was going fine, concerts and workshops were offered to me without any effort on my part, but the loneliness and lack of love reached such a level that I transgressed all the possible boundaries of human emotion and was surprised that I could have survived all this. I cried for three months and when someone asked me why I was crying, I knew not an answer. However, I found an immense strength in sadness.

I found happiness – the way back home

After fifteen years of searching for my own identity I got back to my roots, to a village where my father used to live. I came back home for good. For the first time in my life I can say that I am happy. I found a man who can love me the way I am. Together with my friend, my colleague, but most of all my greatest love Desiderius Dužda, we travel and give concerts and at the same time we teach Roma songs. We both are the founders of a Roma band called Romano Rat (Roma Blood).

I value life and I am grateful to it. I did not give up the painful journey through life and I suffered through new sources of power and inspiration.

I founded a School

I founded my own school – the “International School for Human Voice”, which should serve all people who search for their inner voice. I love my work and I am proud that I discovered one of the ways that can help us all to open to this real modern world, which kills our emotions because of its power. For I believe that if we can find our power, the power we need so much for us to be open, vulnerable but strong enough to stand up for ourselves and not to give up, we can remain and live open. Love is the strongest energy that exists. If we stop believing in love deep inside us, then we have given up.

I will sing. I must believe that I will be understood once, just like my father taught me.